Tony Topping A Humorous Look At His Journey Into The World Of 007
My journey as an International Man of Mystery has been at times hair raising, but also hilarious, having been filmed by an unmarked helicopter (that is my story and I am sticking to it, to being mistaken for an adult film actor during my second TV appearance, to turning that poor blokes Austin Maxi into a U Boat, it has been laugh a minute. The Austin Maxi was rather funny as at the age of 10 I had no idea how a car functioned, and the poor innocent chap who owned the local print works had fatally decided to leave his beloved Austin Maxi behind his work place as he went on his jolly boys outing.
Of course my mates and me had no idea and thought it had just been left there, and so we undid the windscreen and it became our submarine we opened the sunroof and placed a cardboard conning tower above it, I got mum’s make up and did a swastika over the bonnet and wrote U597 on it, we had a ball with it, the owner returned to discover his beloved car alas no more, we all stood around pleading ignorance, a few days later the thing burnt to the ground.
So you see my life has never been as it appears, and having developed two websites, one on UFOs and one on espionage there is never a dull moment, I assure you, and this leads us to those individuals who claim they are something they are not.
If anyone has right to such a claim it is me, my internet presence talks of UFOs and alien interaction shadow governments and black helicopters, my espionage pages talk of psychic spying and cold war operations I could in fact create a fictional past and nobody is the wiser.
I work for “Them” is a classic line said by a few who I have met who claim to work in the world of black ops, another belter was the anonymous email sent by a so called secret agent who talked to me about declassifying UFOs and referred to “Him Upstairs”. As well as other emails describing what is going on with me when clearly the writer is clueless.
They are all at it including those who seriously think that Obama travelled to Mars in 1980, and then there are those in the UFO field who have got it down to a fine art of saying everything and not saying anything. The UFO world is abound with those who worked at Area 51, or recovered that downed saucer, yet when checked out are a security guard. I have even spoken to the head of Majestic 12 so he told me but he never got back too me regarding those secret files.
The world of spooks is no different. As I sit by my shortwave radio decoding the numbers stations perhaps I do need to get out more often.
The British Army has a whole section dedicated to such people, in fact they are lethal and the Army Rumor Service has this situation figured out and they refer to such people as “Walts.”With there own Walt Command and Walt Hunters the Army Rumour Service seeks out the man who claims to have been in the Falklands with 2 Para such characters had better watch out they hunt out such frauds and have got it to a fine art. The term “Them” is reserved for those who claim to be in the SAS there is one in every pub across the land as my mate Kenneth often remarks they were on the balcony with the regiment during the 1980 embassy siege.
When it comes to Walting you will always get caught. Walting according to our brave boys and gals in the military stems from the film the Secret Life of Walter Mitty one who led a secret identity or a double life and according to the Army Rumor Service was used to describe someone who was a “Walt” one who aspired to be in the special forces, this later changed to those who pretend to be in the force or pretend to be more daring than they are.
My introduction to Walting came many years ago before all the comedy capers began in a pub one evening as I talked to a female sports instructor from the local college posing (Walting) as an RAF pilot instructor from the local RAF base.
I knew my stuff about all this and was bluffing quite happily, until she asked if I thought female pilots were slower than men. Slightly drunk I proceeded to tell her my professional opinion that women were slower to respond and were bad pilots. At that point she got very angry and threatened to report me I was so convincing that I had to come clean.
I am purely an armchair pundit on matters spy related, my UFO site is a different world & real world of experience and so it would be easy for me to Walt and pretend to be somebody I am not. In my crazy world the most hilarious incidents have happened when meeting what is termed the Spy Walt.
In the media there have been all kinds of reports of those people pretending to be secret agents, as John le Carre says the lives of those involved in Counter Terrorism are high stressed, high pressure environments, the stakes are high and real life is very different it is not a game of let’s pretend as perceived so often by those posing as spies.
So as an International Man of Mystery with media credits from BBC to Channel 4, I have for some strange reason come across the “Spy Walt”.
They are not just male but can be female, and it appears custom for them to say the sentence “controversial for me too say” and our female Spy Walt would then proceed to waffle on about classified information, the SVR or GRU would have a field day listening to civil servant types in the Queens on Primrose Hill.
Which is oddly enough where I met my first spy Walt, well two of them actually one proceeded to tell me that she worked for a branch of the Foreign Office there offices are located in… well you know where, James Bond HQ enough said. She then began to tell us of the dreadful mess her section faced in Iraq because when they got to Iraq, they were all shocked because Saddam’s WMD had vanished, and if truth be known nobody knew who had taken them but they were certainly out of the country she suspected a terror cell in Germany but was not sure. She proceeded to tell me other details by which time my friend who was drunk was taking a romantic interest in Walt number 2.
Spy Walt number 2 also worked for that department, and this was a belter, because she indicated while fending off my drunken mate, that the country of (and I will have to use a fake nation just in case) let us call it Walterland was unstable and she was involved in an operation to get the matter sorted, the female 007 then proceeded to say that “If you hear in the news of revolution in that country it will be my fault.” One was astounded when six months down the line we saw in the papers the very nation she spoke of in the middle of revolution.
But our journey into the world of James Bond does not stop there, oh no at a UFO conference we meet the highly classified special ops spy Walt who claimed to work at Rudloe Manor on top secret projects, Rudloe Manor is of course as we all know where the RAF keep that alien saucer from the planet Zog. Special operative Nigel knew all about it, but couldn’t tell me as the idiot ended every sentence with a smile and “that’s classified” with a roll of the eyes. Such a technique of denying everything and saying nothing pretending to be involved in Special Forces is called Reverse Walting.
If it was not special ops super spook Nigel, Mike from Birmingham certainly did one better, discretely he collared me he works for MI5 you know, “been quite stressful old boy.” This lunatic then proceeds to tell me about that special operation that went down in Birmingham near a chip shop as Men in Black government operatives proceeded to pounce on a man who had a face like a duck. He also had a diary of his interactions with aliens which proved to be quite perverse I proceeded to send him on his way. What is it with these people I ask myself.
There was also the bizarre incident when I used to run a market stall because I had mentioned on my FB page that one wondered if this nation was being overrun by Russian spies very funnily two days later a man with a mobile phone speaking Russia simply stood near my stall looking at all my stock and then wandered off a Walt moment !. Does the Kremlin have me monitored? Or was he looking for the kebab shop.
But the Walting incident that has concerned me the most on a more serious note happened a few years ago in a pub near number 10, why it happen to be always female Walts & why my mate is always drunk is a wonder of the world.
So there is me sat having a pint with my friend and it was odd actually because I as International Man of Mystery had a Walt moment that “Them” were watching me, my mate simply got chatting to the Miss Marple look alike and I talked to her friend who said she worked for worked for BT, in fact she did not work for BT but went into suspected Walt mode and proceeded to tell me she worked for MI5. I indicated you must have a file on me a mile wide, she indicated that there was a big file on me, this got me rather vexed but it was what she proceeded to tell me regarding the 7/7 incident where she indicated that someone she knew who worked in Counter Terrorism had indicated that further devices were found across the UK in various cities but failed to go off still to this day has me reflecting.
Needless to say those posing as spies leave a trail of mayhem behind them, from breaking lives, to posing as intelligence officers at a tube station with their pet dog on a drug search. To duping innocent people. I have learnt the spy game is a deadly business I prefer observing from my armchair thank you however if you really wish to look at my Jason Bourne world that really did happen too me, click here